By Claire Tune, Counsellor and Supervisor in Godalming, Surrey

Relationship difficulties often feel more noticeable after Christmas. Once the busy festive period is over and life becomes quieter, many people find themselves reflecting on their relationships and realising that something doesn’t feel right. In my work as a counsellor, I regularly see clients seek therapy in January because the festive season has highlighted unresolved issues in couple relationships, family dynamics, friendships or work relationships.

The emotional aftermath of the festive season can bring clarity, but it can also feel overwhelming without the right support.

Christmas is often portrayed as a time of togetherness, connection and joy. But for many people, it can also be one of the most emotionally challenging times of the year, especially when relationship issues are already simmering under the surface.

I regularly see how the festive season can place extra strain on couple relationships, families, friendships and even work relationships. The pressure to spend time together, manage expectations, and “keep the peace” can bring unresolved tensions to a head.

For some, Christmas becomes the breaking point. For others, it becomes a wake-up call.

Why Relationships Can Feel Harder at Christmas

The festive season often magnifies what’s already there:

● Unspoken resentment in couple relationships
● Long-standing family conflicts
● Feeling overlooked, criticised or emotionally drained
● Struggles with boundaries, people-pleasing or feeling responsible for everyone else’s
happiness
● Different expectations about how Christmas “should” be

When routines change, emotions run high, and we spend more time together, relationship
patterns become harder to ignore.

When Relationships Feel Under Pressure

Christmas and family time can be particularly challenging for couples. Differences in values,
finances, in-law dynamics, parenting styles or emotional needs often become more visible.

You might notice:
● More arguments or emotional distance
● Feeling unsupported, unheard or unappreciated
● A sense of walking on eggshells
● Questioning whether the relationship is still working

For some couples, this time of year can highlight deeper issues that have been avoided for
months or even years.

The New Year: A Time for Reflection and Decisions

As we move towards a new year, many people naturally begin to reflect:

● Who do I want in my life?
● Which relationships nourish me and which drain me?
● What’s working and what isn’t?
● Do I want to repair, change, manage or leave certain relationships?

These are not easy questions. But they are honest and important ones.

Working On Relationships vs Letting Go

Not every relationship problem has the same solution. Sometimes:

● A relationship needs better communication and emotional honesty
● Sometimes it needs clearer boundaries
● Sometimes it needs professional support, such as relationship counselling or individual therapy
● And sometimes, it needs acceptance or an ending

There is no failure in recognising that something no longer serves your emotional wellbeing.

The Role of Boundaries and People-Pleasing

Many people enter the new year exhausted because they’ve spent years:

● Putting everyone else first
● Avoiding conflict
● Saying yes when they mean no
● Carrying emotional responsibility that isn’t theirs

Learning to set healthy boundaries is not selfish... it’s essential for mental health, self-respect and sustainable relationships.

Therapy as a Space to Think, Feel and Decide

Counselling offers a confidential, non-judgemental space to:

● Explore relationship patterns
● Understand your emotional needs
● Build healthier boundaries
● Work through relationship endings or repairs
● Strengthen self-esteem and emotional clarity

Whether you’re struggling in a romantic relationship, family relationship, friendship or work dynamic, therapy can help you feel more grounded and empowered in your choices.

Moving Forward With More Clarity

If Christmas has left you feeling emotionally drained, uncertain or questioning your relationships, you’re not alone. Often, these moments of discomfort are signals that something needs attention, care or change.

And you don’t have to navigate that alone.

Considering Support

If relationship issues are affecting your emotional wellbeing, mental health or quality of life, speaking with a counsellor can help you make sense of what you’re feeling and what you want to do next.

Whether you’re looking to repair a relationship, strengthen boundaries, or find the courage to move on, therapy can support you through that process with compassion and clarity.

FAQs

Is it normal for relationship problems to feel worse at Christmas?

Yes. The festive season often intensifies emotions, expectations and time spent together. It can highlight unresolved issues and emotional disconnection in couples and families.

How do I know whether to work on a relationship or let it go?

There’s no simple answer. Therapy can help you explore your feelings, patterns, values and needs so you can make a decision that feels right for you not just one based on fear, guilt or habit.

Can counselling help with boundaries and people-pleasing?

Absolutely. Many clients come to therapy to learn how to say no, express needs, manage guilt and build healthier, more balanced relationships.